


And the penny drops

by Lulu_The_Real_Slytherpuff



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Accidental Outing, Bisexuality, Coming Out, Date Rape Drug/Roofies, Forced Outing, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Legal Drama, M/M, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Rape Recovery, Toronto Maple Leafs, Trauma, supportive team
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-05
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2019-02-28 17:36:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13276503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lulu_The_Real_Slytherpuff/pseuds/Lulu_The_Real_Slytherpuff
Summary: Auston’s not sure what he could’ve done to cause such a shit storm. He always does his best to stay out of trouble and the only thing he can remember that was out of the ordinary was Pittsburgh a few weeks ago. But there’s no way he could’ve done something to warrant a PR meeting for in fucking Pittsburgh.PLEASE READ TAGS





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, this is currently un beta'd so all mistakes are my own. 
> 
> \- This does contain a character being outed against his will,  
> \- implied date rape (which will be dealt with in later chapters,  
> \- panic attacks caused by said situation.
> 
> Hopefully I've tagged everything but please let me know if I need to tag anything else. 
> 
> Constructive criticism is always welcome and greatly appreciated.

The last thing Auston remembers is accepting an overflowing glass of beer from a cute girl in a shitty bar in Pittsburgh.

 

The Leafs had just dropped their final game in a stretch of away games, and like anytime they lose a game like that, the Leafs drowned their sorrows in a seedy downtown bar in whatever state they’re in.

 

*

 

The room Auston wakes up in is small, covered in posters of bands that he doesn’t know. The bedsheets are curled around his feet, and the pillow that his face is smushed into smells faintly of cigarette smoke, alcohol and sex. There’s no one else in the bed next to him, and as he reaches around him to look for his phone, his stomach drops as he realises it’s not there next to him.

 

“What the fuck?”

 

Auston pulls himself up abruptly from the bed, regretting it immediately as his head spins. He stays sat on the bed with his head in his hands while he tries to catch his breath.

 

*

There’s a kitchen located right outside the bedroom, and Auston quickly spots his phone sitting on top of a note that’s been quickly scribbled out by the chick who gave him the beer last night.

 

_Auston,_

 

_Thanks for the great time last night. Hope your ass isn’t too sore ;)_

_Your phone was flat so I charged it for you._

  _D._

 

Auston tries not to be too put off by the comment about his ass but it does feel a little sore and he briefly wishes he could remember what the hell he got up to last night when he sees the time.

 

10:10am.

 

Fuck.

 

He has to be back at the hotel in 30 minutes if he wants to actually go back to Toronto with the team.

 

*

He makes it back to the hotel in record time, it turns out the small apartment that he apparently spent the night in was only a few blocks away from the hotel. Still, Babs isn’t too happy with him and Auston is 99.9% sure he’s going to be stuck doing bag skates the next couple of days.

 

Auston’s lounging on one of the seats in the back of the bus when Mitch plops himself down on the seat next to him, and pulls Auston’s ear buds out.

 

“Hey, what the hell man?”

 

Mitch only smirks at him.

 

“Just coming to ask what the hell you did last night.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Dude, whoever she was, she did you a solid. Those bruises definitely aren’t from hockey.” Mitch raises his eyebrows as he points at Auston’s neck and his arms, and _oh._ Auston hadn’t realise those when he rushed out of bed.

 

He sighs, and turns to Mitch before sticking his earbuds back in, “Yeah, she was a fucking beast in bed man, couldn’t get enough of my dick.”

 

He sees Mitch roll his eyes and giggle before sauntering off to go annoy Willy or someone.

 

The thing is, Auston seriously, and genuinely has no idea what he got up to last night. He still has D’s note crumpled up in his pocket, and well, the more that he thinks about it, the more he’s not so sure about D being the cute girl who gave him a beer.

 

*

 

Auston is at home enjoying a three-day break when the shit storm begins. He’s trying to nap when his phone starts buzzing. And won’t stop.

 

He tries to ignore it for a while because he needs his fucking nap, but the buzzing just keeps going.

 

He snaps, letting out a deep frustrated growl as he grabs his phone and reads through the texts.

 

_What the fuck Auston?_

_When the hell did this happen?_

_Dude, I’m so sorry._

_Auston, the team are all behind you no matter what._

_Auston, it’s Steve from PR. We need you to come in ASAP. Please don’t look at any media until we’ve spoken in person. Steve._

Well shit. Auston’s not sure what he could’ve done to cause such a shit storm. He always does his best to stay out of trouble and the only thing he can remember that was out of the ordinary was Pittsburgh a few weeks ago. But there’s no way he could’ve done something to warrant a PR meeting fort  in fucking Pittsburgh.

*

His heart feels like it’s going to thump out of his chest by the time he’s standing outside the meeting room, his fist held up to the door, gathering the courage to knock. Auston’s not sure if he even wants to go in there.

 

He sucks it up anyway when the door opens before he’s even had time to knock.

 

“Auston, welome.” Dave, some old guy in a suit that does PR leads him to a chair at a huge desk in the middle of the room.

 

All the head honchos are here, Babcock, Shanahan, Lamoriello, and all of fucking PR.

 

He’s seated across from Babcock and he knows he’s definitely fucked up when Babs throws a sad smile his way.

 

A dark haired man stands up at the head of the table and hands a manila folder to Auston.

 

“I assume you took my advice and didn’t read through anything on the way here. This is what came out this morning.”

 

Auston opens the file open and a series of photographs spill onto the table, as well as a 2-page article with the words “ **GAY HOCKEY STAR? MY NIGHT WITH AUSTON MATTHEWS”** painted across the front.

 

He feels sick to his stomach, unsure whether he can bring himself to read it. He places the article back into the folder without looking at it, and with a shaky hand picks up the first photograph.

 

It’s definitely him. His mouth is attached what is unmistakably a dick, his cheeks are pink and sweaty and he’s staring up at the camera, a dazed look in his eyes.

 

Shit.

 

Shitshitshit.

 

He slams the photo back down, and picks the next one up, refusing to make eyes contact with the men around him.

 

The next photo shows him on his hands and knees, the same dazed look on his face, and Auston can’t look at them anymore.

 

The room is silent as he shoves the photographs back into the folder, and he takes a deep breath.

 

“What’s the… What do I need to do?” The words stumble out of his mouth and he still refuses to look anyone in the eyes. Especially knowing that them, and who knows how many other people have seen him in that state.

 

Babs breaks the silence first.

 

“The Leaf’s support you 100%. Gay, straight or whatever you are, this is clearly a violation of privacy, and we’ll do whatever we can to protect you.”

 

“Mike’s right.” Shanahan says. “We do need you to release a statement and I know you’re going to hate this but we have to hold a press conference as soon as possible.”

 

“We’ll schedule it for 2pm, and we’ll have Steve work with you on a statement while the rest of us work out the legal stuff that goes with it.” Shanahan sighs, and there’s a soft look in his eyes. “We’re all behind you kid, you got that.”

 

*

 

The next several hours consist of Auston alternating between panicking and avoiding all, and every phone call from everyone he cares about. That, and answering all of Steve’s questions about what to put in the statement. ‘

 

No, he’s not gay, he’s bi.

No, he did not consent to having his photograph taken during sex.

He’s 99% sure he doesn’t remember anything about that night (Steve kept that one out).

No, he never planned on coming out while being an active player.

 

Auston’s exhausted before the press conference even starts.

 

*

 

He’s dressed in a simple black suit, hands shaking, and breath hitching as he stares at the swirling vortex of the press crowding in front of him.

 

Auston barely remembers reading through the bullshit statement that Steve wrote for him. He doesn’t even know what it says other than the fact that the press is hanging on to his every word, all of them eager to get the story. He wonders, briefly, if any of them realise that Auston’s whole world has just shattered.

The collar of Auston’s white shirt suffocates him with every passing second and he’s never been more thankful to hear someone utter the words “no further questions” than he does right now.

 

*

 

It’s been several days since the press conference and Auston has spent them in solitude. Staying blissfully inside his condo, turning his phone on just to talk to his parents before they bought the next plane ticket out of Arizona.

 

Today’s the day he’s been dreading though. He’s got a morning practice and then tomorrow they start the first of several at home games.

 

The locker room is noisy as he walks in. Nothing different there. Mo and Willy greet him as soon as he walks in, and that draws the rest of the team’s attention to him.

 

Auston smiles awkwardly and waves before ducking his head down and making his way to his stall as fast as he can. The boys are trying to act like Auston hasn’t just made the biggest fuck up of his life, but whether they realise it or not, there’s a tension there that wasn’t before.

 

An uneasy feeling settles in his stomach as he ties he skates up and chucks on a jersey to head out onto the rink.

 

Nobody says anything about it once they’re out there, and Auston’s thankful for it. There is the occasional head pat, and Mitch’s hands linger on Auston’s shoulder a tad longer than usual after they celly a great goal in scrimmage.

 

Auston’s almost feeling confident that the issue won’t be brought up at all until Babs enters the locker room just before the team are about to head out.

 

“Alright boys, great scrimmage out there. I’m sure you’re all aware of what’s going on in the media right now.” Auston feels his cheeks redden as Babcock stares down the room before continuing. “The media are going to be hounding you all for answers and the only answer that we’ll give them is that we support Auston no matter what, understand.”

 

“Get some rest boys, and be ready for morning skate tomorrow. We need to be on our A-game against Tampa tomorrow night.”

 

Babcock nods at the room one last time, and if his gaze lingers on Auston a little longer, no one says anything.

 

*

Auston, like he’s been doing for the past three days, is avoiding anything and everything to do with social media. He’s lounging on the sofa watching reruns of Jersey Shore (hey, he needed to watch something that made his current situation seem less shitty), when there’s a loud knock on the door.

 

Mitch.

 

He’s the only person who knocks like that.

 

“Door’s open.”

 

Almost immediately the door bangs open and Mitch strides in, carrying a bag of take out with him.

 

“Take out? The night before Tampa, really?”

 

“Okay first of all, fuck you. And second of all, it’s from that Thai place you love. Third of all, I’m being the bestest friend because you’re having a shit time and you need to talk about it,” Mitch says in one breath while shovelling the take out onto plates that he got from god knows where.

 

Auston can’t help but smile at Mitch, and as much as he doesn’t want to talk about the whole “hey I’m bi and now everyone has literally seen me sucking dick” situation, Auston can’t help but feel like if he’s going to talk about it, Mitch is the best person to go to.

 

“Okay,” he says, turning to Mitch. “I’ll talk to you, but first I wanna eat, yeah?”

 

Mitch honest to God actually giggles, and nods his head.

 

“Yeah man,” he says before shoving the biggest mouthful of rice he can into his mouth.

 

*

 

So they haven’t actually talked yet.

 

Instead Auston’s lying across the sofa scrolling aimlessly through Tumblr and Mitch is sitting on the floor with his back against the sofa flicking through the TV channels. It’s almost midnight and Auston is seriously considering heading to bed seeing as it’s a game day tomorrow when Mitch breaks the silence.

 

“How come you never told me?” Mitch’s voice is soft, softer than usual and Auston scoots himself off the sofa to sit beside Mitch.

 

“I just – I never really acknowledged it y’know?” Auston cringes as the words come out, he’s not really sure how to explain it.

 

“I guess I knew that I liked guys just as much – maybe more than girls. And I hooked up with a few guys back in Zurich but being here – in the NHL and shit. I just – I –“

 

Auston can feel his breath catching in his throat, and his vision starts to blur. It isn’t until he can feel a weight on his hand and he looks down to Mitch’s hand resting on his, rubbing small circles across the back of Auston’s hand.

 

“Hey, Aus, we don’t need to talk about this if you’re not ready, okay? I’m going to support you no matter what.”

 

Auston nods, but he really needs to get this out and Mitch is here with him, supporting him.

 

“No, I need to tell someone, Mitch. Please.”

 

There’s a burning sensation at the back of his eyes and Auston blinks rapidly to try and pull the tears back.

 

“Mitch, I never wanted to come out, at all – an-and now there’s pictures of me all over the internet whoring myself out to some man who I don’t even remember going home with. Mitch, I can’t even remember what the man looks like an -“

 

“Wait!” Mitch cuts Auston off. “Aus, you don’t remember that night?”

 

Auston nods his head, and feels the tears come pouring down his cheeks before he even has a chance to blink them back.

“Auston, what’s the last thing you remember?”

 

“What do you mean? I just told you Mitch.”

 

“I’m serious.”

 

Auston sighs and tries to remember back to that night in Pittsburgh. The memories are hazy but he definitely remembers a brown haired girl waltzing up to him offering him the beer in her hand. He tells Mitch as such.

 

The penny drops for Auston seconds after it does for Mitch.

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The realisation of what's happened to Auston brings up some memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be wary of a few things throughout this chapter:
> 
> \- descriptions of rape (nothing explicit but please be cautious)  
> \- Detailed panic attack/ breakdown
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who commented on the first chapter, I hope you enjoy the chaotic middle of Auston's story.

T

They lose to Tampa. It’s Auston’s fault, really. Too many turnovers, and missed opportunities when he was on the ice. Auston’s surprised that Babcock didn’t bench him for his lacklustre performance.

 

The thing is he’s trying. He really is. Except ever since last night Auston’s been getting flashes of memories from that night in Pittsburgh.

 

Fingers tracing the outline of his body.

The ghost of a whisper near his ear.

A rough hand around his neck pulling him to his feet.

 

The flashes disappear quicker than they come but they’re still there. They still happened.

 

And that’s what freaks Auston out the most.

 

*

 

The locker room is silent after everyone walks in. There’s a tension in the air as the guys untie their skates, throw their sweaty jerseys into the basket and storm their way into the showers. Babs is going to tear them a new one. Losing 5-0 on home ice is never a good feeling.

 

Auston makes sure to take extra-long taking his gear off and by the time he gets to the showers, they're almost empty except for Willy who’s on his way out.

 

Willy nods to Auston and pats him on the back as if to say _better luck next time._

 

He turns the shower on full, thick bursts of boiling water cascading onto his skin and despite the searing pain Auston can’t bring himself to turn the temperature to warm.

 

He can feel his skin reddening under the hot water, can feel the man’s hands scratching at his back as Auston’s slurred voice begs for more. He can feel the man behind him, taste him inside his mouth, and there in the corner, the brown haired curl giggling as the shutters click on and off on her polaroid camera.

 

And Auston’s scrubbing at his skin.

Scrubbing so hard that the skin begins to peel and the soap suds sting his raw skin.

 

And then the water isn’t burning him anymore. Hands hesitantly wrap themselves around Auston’s body and he can hear someone’s muffled voice in the background.

 

_You’re okay Aus. C’mon buddy._

He feels a towel being wrapped around him as he’s lowered to the floor.

 

The ground is wet beneath him, and then he’s being pulled into someone’s shoulder. They’re still whispering to him, voice still muffled so Auston can barely make out what they’re saying.

 

*

 

Auston’s tucked into his bed when he wakes up. He doesn’t know how he got there or who brought him home, and he can feel his chest start to constrict again when Mitch walks in.

 

“Hey, man. You feeling okay?” He says sitting tentatively on the bed. “You really freaked me out back there.”

 

Auston goes to sit up but Mitch pushes him back down, hesitantly, as if Auston will break if Mitch keeps his hand on him any longer.

 

“Aus, sleep, yeah?”

 

Auston doesn’t have the energy to put up a fight because if he’s being honest his whole body aches, and stings.

 

He lifts his arms out from under the covers, arms that are covered in bandages, and pulls Mitch down on top of the covers.

 

“Stay?”

 

Mitch nods, and scoots under the covers, pulling Auston’s head onto his chest.

 

“Is this okay, Auston?”

 

Mitch’s fingers are running through his hair, soft and gentle, and Auston nods as he drifts back into sleep.

 

*

 

The bed is empty the next time Auston wakes up. It’s the first time he’s slept properly since the article, whish he still hasn’t read, was released. There’s shuffling coming from somewhere in the condo and the sound of Mitch humming a Britney Spears song drifts closer into the room until the door opens.

 

“Oh, you’re awake now,” Mitch is carrying a tray with what looks like a bowl of soup and some orange juice on it. “I figured you might like to eat?”

“Yeah, thanks Mitchy.” Auston says as Mitch sets the tray down on Auston’s lap, and sits next to him.

 

He’s slurping at the chicken soup which is surprisingly good considering Mitch made it when Mitch breaks the comfortable silence they’re sitting in.

 

“I told Babcock,” he blurts out.

 

Auston drops the soup spoon and turns to Mitch, eyebrow raised.

 

Mitch sighs and casts a look down at his hands which are fiddling with a frayed bit on his shirt.

 

“I told Babcock the reason you freaked out last night – “

 

“Mitch?”

 

“- Auston, I was so scared and the team had no idea why you were like that and- “

 

“Mitchy – “

 

“they want you to see a psychiatrist, get help or something.”

 

Mitch refuses to look at Auston in the eyes, and well, Auston’s not sure whether he feels more betrayed or relieved.

 

“I get it Mitchy.” Auston whispers, he can feel his breath starting to hitch as he says it and Mitch’s hands are instantly rubbing circles on Auston’s back.

 

“I’m mad at you, but I get it Mitchy.”

 

*

 

They’ve placed him on injured reserve with an undisclosed injury for an unforeseen amount of time, and set him up with Judie (“Judie spelt with an I E because Y looks tacky”).

 

Judie’s nice, Auston tells himself. She around his Mom’s age, and she’s always wearing t-shirts with iconic 80s movie quotes, Auston likes that about her.

 

He’d been wary of her at first. The only person he’d spoken to properly about this was Mitch, and now he was being told to tell some random stranger about his feelings and the flashes of memories that keep popping up when he’s least expecting it. He’d resented Judie at first, until he realised that she really was just trying to help.

 

PTSD was the official diagnosis.

 

He’d always thought that PTSD was what soldiers had when they came home from fighting in a literal war, not some dumb 20-year-old hockey player who had too much to drink one night.

 

“You’re not dumb, Auston,” She tells him. “You were in a situation where you were coerced into taking a drink from someone who you didn’t know, didn’t trust. That doesn’t make you dumb.”

 

*

 

He’s been called into a meeting today, something to do with taking legal action against the man who released the article. Babcock’s there, Shanahan, all the big bosses, and some tall men in suits who Auston assumes are the lawyers.

 

“We’ve found out the identity of the man who did this, and we need to know what kind of action you would like to take considering the circumstances.” The main man, Paul or something, smirks at the last part, lips curling as he stares Auston down.

 

It makes Auston feel smaller than he is, the way the questions linger in the air.

 

How can a 6’ 3”, 216lb NHL star let a nobody from Pittsburgh _rape_ him?

Why didn’t he fight back?

How does he know it’s rape if he can’t remember it?

 

The worst thing is, is that Auston gets it, he really does. They’re the questions that he asks himself every minute, and every second of the Goddamn day.

 

“I’m not pressing rape charges,” Auston’s says, voice shaky but firm.

 

There’s a visible relaxation that passes around the room, a relief that the organisation doesn’t have to venture into _that_ territory. Only Babcock remains tense throughout the rest of the meeting, after Auston announces his decision.

 

*

 

He’s on the ice skating laps when Babcock corners him. Auston’s still in his suit from the meeting, trying to clear the uneasiness in his stomach after the legal talks. It seems Babs has the same idea as he skates up next to Auston.

 

“Are you sure you don’t want to press charges, Auston?” Babs’ tone isn’t accusatory like Paul the Lawyer, instead it’s hesitant as if he’s mulled over the question before deciding to dive right in and ask it.

 

“I just, I want it to be over, y’know.”

 

Babcock nods and pulls Auston to a stop, hand resting on his shoulder.

 

“You’re not weak, Auston. There was nothing you could do in that situation and those pretentious cunts can go fuck themselves for thinking that way, y’hear me?”

 

Auston nods, and before he can stop himself, he finds himself spilling everything out to Babs.

 

“It’s just, I’m sick of everyone treating me like I’m breakable, or like I’m lying, doing this for attention. As if I wanted the world to know about my _dirty little secret_. As if I deserve to feel his hands on my fucking neck, or his voice in my ear every second of the day because I’m a fucking _faggot!_ I’m sick of it. I want to be normal again, just play hockey. That’s all I fucking want.”

 

“I know you don’t want to press rape charges Auston, but you can damn sure he’ll be going away for something. That I can promise you.” Babcock pulls Auston into a hug, and it’s not as awkward as one would think it would be. “And Auston?”

 

“Yeah, Coach?”

 

“None of that homophobic language, okay? We’ll get you on the ice as soon as we can, I promise.”

 

*

 

True to his word, several days later, Auston’s back on the ice, even if it’s only for practice. He’s been out for a month while he sorts his shit together, and Babcock lets Auston know that he should be cleared for games soon.

 

The press has lingered around the rink all practice, and Auston knows, as do the team, that they’re waiting to find out the full nature of Auston’s ‘injury’. Even though Auston’s 99% sure that every kid and their parent knws that he was out due to the ‘incident’ despite not knowing the true nature of it.

 

Thankfully, Auston doesn’t have to go out to talk to the media yet, something he’s more than happy to miss for the next several years if he’s being honest. Instead, he’s whisked away to attend another legal meeting before he’s even had a chance to tie his shoes up properly.

 

Maybe he should’ve offered to do media instead.

 

*

 

The man’s name is David Smith. He’s a bricklayer. A divorced father. He’d had never had any charges against him before. Not even a parking fine.

 

The article was posted anonymously but Paul and his team of lawyers tracked David down through using his IP address or something like that – Auston doesn’t really understand, or care. They’ve put a name and a face to the voice that follows his every move.

 

They’re going to press charges for sharing intimate images without consent, and defamation. The man, Auston refuses to call him David, will probably only have to pay money for damages or do a bit of community service, Paul says there isn’t really jail time for those offenses but they could maybe push for because of Auston’s status. Though that wouldn’t be the best course of action for the Maple Leafs Organisation if they want to keep face.

 

 

Auston wants the man to suffer, to go to jail, but to do that he has to press charges for rape, and that means letting the whole world about how much of an idiot he was that night. It means that he has to prove it happened and how could a judge, a jury believe that a person like him could go through something like that.

The whole situation makes Auston’s head hurt, his stomach clench, and his palms sweat.

 

*

 

Later, when Auston is curled under the covers of his bed, he feels the man’s fingers trace the vertebrae in his back. Feels the heat of his breath in his ears.

 

“Lie still for me,” the man says.

 

And Auston does.

 

He lays still, waiting for the memories to pass.

 

Waiting for the moment that every shadow will cease to be the man watching him. Waiting for the howling wind to stop sounding like the man as yells in pleasure. For the clicking of the blinds to stop sounding like the shutters of a camera, and the giggles of a girl.

 

The waiting doesn’t end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd just like to clarify that I'm Australian and so I'm not too familiar of the laws in Canada, I did do some research but the information I found didn't really make too much sense so suspend your disbelief at the legal sde of things. 
> 
> Just one more chapter to go, I promise things will get better for Auston! 
> 
> As always, constructive criticism is always welcome :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trial date is set for Auston, everything comes to a head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final installment for 'And as the penny drops'. Thank you to anyone who has read this far. 
> 
> Warnings:  
> \- Descriptions of rape  
> \- Descriptions of panic attacks

 

Austin’s activated from injured reserve just in time for an 11-day trip. He’s in the midst of gearing up to verse the Canadiens when the news breaks that he’s suing Pittsburgh native David Smith for releasing intimate images without his consent and for defamation. Of course, PR doesn’t actually tell him until seconds before he has to do media after the game.

 

“The press has been asked to only ask questions concerning the game and your ‘concussion’, okay,” Steve tells him just as Auston feels his breath beginning to hitch.

 

Auston nods, wishing he hadn’t just scored a hat-trick against the Canadiens, that way he could’ve avoided the media entirely.

 

He chucks on his shirt and heads out to where the media scrum is, takes a deep breath and faces the crowd of beat reporters.

 

*

 

It turns out the reporters really did listen to Steve since they only ask questions concerning the game and his ‘concussion’. Although Auston is more than sure that they don’t believe a word about him having a concussion and can see right through him as he rattles off a bullshit statement about colliding with a teammate in practice and experiencing concussion symptoms. It’s almost as if they know about his breakdown that night in Tampa. He wouldn’t be surprised if they did, and that the Maple Leafs organisation just paid them all off to keep them quiet.

 

*

 

He’s gone from seeing Judie four times a week to once every two weeks. Auston’s not sure who in their right mind decided that that was a good idea, Judie had argued against it and Auston agreed. His talks with her are the main reason that Auston is able to function still.

Lamoriello calls Auston into his office to tell him. Why it’s not Auston’s decision to decide whether or not he’s ready to stop seeing Judie is beyond him.

 

“It’s to save face,” Lamoriello tells him, leaning back into his armchair, and staring at Auston over his desk. “If the press finds out you’re seeing a therapist four times a week they’re going to want to know why. We can’t let them know that one of our top players let himself _raped_.”

 

He spits the word out, and narrows his eyes at Auston.

 

_Just look at what you’ve done to this organisation._

 

Lamoriello doesn’t say the words outright to him, but Auston can feel the weight of them, heavy in the office.

 

It’s for the best, Auston tells himself, he’d rather stop seeing Judie than cause any more trouble.

 

His mouth refuses to open and Auston’s palms begin sweat, and all Auston can do is nod.

 

Lamoriello smiles at him, an actual honest-to-God smile, unlike the forced ones he’s been giving Auston for the last couple of months.

 

“I’m so glad you understand what this means for us.”

 

*

 

Auston’s curled up under the hot water of the shower, he’s still dressed in his game day suit, when Mitch waltzes into his condo loudly proclaiming his arrival.

 

Auston doesn’t hear him at first. He’s too busy trying to drown the sound of David’s voice out. Too busy trying to wash the feel of David’s hands off his body. He hasn’t seen Judie in almost a week and now he’d back to square one.

 

The hot water switches off and Auston looks up to see Mitch holding a towel out for him, his brows furrowed, and eyes soft.

 

“Mitch, I – “

 

“No need to explain yet Aus,” Mitch says, holding out his hand. “Let’s get you dried and dressed first, okay.”

 

Auston nods.

 

It’s not the first time Mitch has walked in on him in the shower, ruining whatever clothes he was wearing that day. It probably won’t be the last time either. Mitch is kind about it though, always bringing him a towel and some dry clothes, and then letting Auston curl into him on the sofa, or in the bed.

 

Mitch doesn’t ask Auston to share his feelings with him, he always waits for Auston to initiate touch with him, and makes sure there’s always fresh food in the fridge, or fresh linen on the bed. Wordless gestures that Auston’s never asked him to do, but appreciated none-the-less.

 

He’s tucked into Mitch’s side on his bed, Mitch’s fingers gently running through his hair as Aladdin flickers on the TV.

 

“They want me to stop seeing Judie,” Auston whispers.

 

“What the fuck? They can’t do that!” Auston can feel Mitch tense next to him.

 

“They don’t want anyone to find out about the _other thing_ with the trial being so close, and the press and shit,” Auston tucks himself further into Mitch’s side blinking back tears.

 

“Those fat fucks – “

 

“Mitch, it’s okay, It-it’s for the bes- “

 

“Aus, you better not finish that fucking sentence.”

 

“It’s just that I’ve already caused a major fuck up with the pictures and the article, and now there’s the trial, and I-I don’t think I could handle it if it gets out,” Auston can feel his breath becoming shorter, and the tears that were threatening to fall earlier cascade down his cheeks.

 

“Ugh, I-I’m such a fucking goddamn mess!” Auston yells, bringing his fists up to his eyes and furiously wiping away his tears.

 

Mitch is grabbing his hands instantly, and gently pulling Auston into a hug.

 

“Listen to me, okay?” Mitch’s voice is muffled and his breath is hot near Auston’s ear. “You’re going to keep seeing Judie, even if it has to be over phone or skype or some shit, just because those fuckers up top care more about themselves than they do about their players doesn’t mean you have to do as they say, okay?”

 

“And Aus, I need you to try with every bit of you to believe me when I say you did not fuck up. I promise you that the lowly piece-of-shit cunt will go down for what he did to you.”

 

*

 

He’s in a meeting with Paul and his team of lawyers going over last minute preparation for the trial. The trial is set to take place in Pittsburgh. Auston’s been told by Paul that he has to be present at the trial, something that Auston was really hoping to avoid.

 

He has to go in depth about what happened that night – omitting the part about getting drugged and being unable to consent. Paul asks Auston if he’s even read the article yet, after Auston tries to discuss in detail what happened.

 

“No,” Auston says, avoiding Paul’s glare as he rips into him about Auston needing to put in the effort so that they can fix his fucking mistake.

 

*

Auston’s settled on the hotel bed, laptop opened and cursor lingering over the link titled “ **GAY HOCKEY PLAYER: MY NIGHT WITH AUSTON MATTHEWS”**.

 

Auston can feel his heart start to thump in his chest and his breath hitch as he closes his eyes and clicks on the link.

 

 

 

**GAY HOCKEY PLAYER? MY NIGHT WITH AUSTON MATTHEWS**

WRITTEN BY BRICKIE420

 

My night starts as it usually would after a long day at work, sitting at the bar of a seedy downtown bar in Pittsburgh, with my roommate (let’s call her Jess).  I’m not a huge hockey fan but throughout the night the shitty TV in the corner was broadcasting the game between the Pittsburgh Penguins and the Toronto Maple Leafs. To no one’s surprise the Penguins win by a landslide and the Leafs trudge off, and I drink more beer and walk with Jess.

 

It’s about 12pm when a group of young men enter the bar and I see none other the Auston Fucking Matthews. Presumably they were there to drown their sorrows after a harsh loss. Jess, being the daring woman she is, grabs a glass full of the cheapest beer and heads over to where Matthews is standing.

 

Well, the next thing I know all three of us are heading back to our apartment, drunk of our asses. Anyway, I’m expecting to be a third wheel in this whole thing right? Wrong! Instead of making his way over to Jess and doing his ‘thing’ with her, the 19-year-old millionaire gets down in his fucking knees and offers to suck me off – and well, who am I to say no to that? Here’s the thing though, that kid has clearly done this before, and –

 

 

 

And that’s not how it went, Auston thinks as the memories become clearer and clearer.

 

Auston never offered to do that. He remembers David shoving him down to his knees and shoving his cock into his mouth, remembers ‘Jess’ yelling in the background for him to “suck it, you fucking bitch!”

 

He even remembers the fucking taste of the man after he held Auston’s mouth shut and wouldn’t let go until he swallowed. He remembers David flipping him onto his back grunting loudly as Auston squirmed underneath him unable to move his body properly from the drugs, and crying in shame as he orgasmed.

 

And then Mitch is bursting into the room, and running his fingers through his hair and cradling Auston as he tries to push his way out of the memories.

 

“You’re okay, Aus. I promise,” Mitch whispers, as he closes the laptop, and if he notices the article on the screen he doesn’t say anything.

 

*

 

Mitch offers to go with Auston to the trial, and Auston really, really wants him to come, except Paul, the fucker, advises against it based on the reason that the Maple Leafs Organisation doesn’t want any other players involved in this matter.

 

Instead, Mitch drops him off at the airport, and hugs him long and hard before Auston has to board his flight.

  
“You’ve got this. I’ve got your back Auston,” Mitch tells him when Auston’s head is resting on Mitch’s shoulder.

 

Auston’s parents are going to be meeting him outside the courthouse in Pittsburgh, and he’s been advised to talk to Judie beforehand to make sure he’s able to stay calm throughout the whole trial.

 

It’s a short flight; only an hour from Toronto to Pittsburgh, and soon enough Auston finds himself standing in the middle of a hotel room freaking out to Judie over Skype.

 

“Remember those breathing exercises I taught you for helping you stay calm.” Judie says. “And remember that he’s in the wrong here, you’re just seeking justice, okay?”

 

“Okay, it’s just that – “

 

“Hey! What did I tell you?”

 

Auston sighs.

 

“I’m not responsible for what happens, and no matter what, I am going to get justice,” Auston rattles off like he’s been doing for the past half an hour.

 

He talks with Judie for another hour before Paul knocks on his door, and drags him out to the car out the front of the hotel.

 

*

 

Auston’s parents are hugging him before he’s even walked through the door. His Mom holding his hand so tight it’s going purple and his Dad’s hand resting on his back.

 

“I’m okay, Mom, I swear,” Auston tells his Mom, after the seventeenth time she asks him about it.

 

It’s a lie, and he knows that his parents’ know that too. Luckily they drop it, as he’s called into the courtroom.

 

*

 

The trial is blur for Auston, he remembers bits and pieces of it. The old judge staring down at him, the reporters sitting in the back row, his parents watching on, but as soon as he sees David, Auston doesn’t freak out like he thought he would. Instead, he finds himself floating, he’s seeing everything, hearing everything but it’s almost as if he isn’t really there.

 

He answers Paul questions, and the opposing legal team. Rattles off the events of the night one that coincides with the article and doesn’t include the rape. Watches, as the judge rules that David pay the Maple Leafs Organisation a $5 million payout for the damages he caused.

 

He’s outside the courthouse, his Mom is next to him ranting about how Auston should have been awarded the payout, not the organisation.

 

“It’s not them he hurt Auston, it’s you he did that to, not them,” She’s blinking back to tears. “It’s images of _you_ he posted all over the internet. Oh, I’m so sorry baby.”

 

She pulls him into a hug, and Auston doesn’t even have the heart to tell her that he doesn’t care that the organisation got the money, because all Auston cares about is the fact that David is still out there, still roaming free. He’s not sure she could handle it if he told her the truth.

 

*

 

A week later Auston’s back in Toronto, walking into the locker room before practice. The boys cheer for him, patting him on the back, whooping and high fiving him as he makes his way to his stall.

 

“Way to go Auston, glad you took that fucker down,” Kadri yells at him, patting him on the back.

 

“Nice one, Matts.”

 

“Fucker got what deserved, eh.”

 

Auston nods, smiling, laughing with the boys as they shit talk David, and continue to congratulate him on the ‘big win’.

 

It isn’t until he catches Mitch’s eyes that the uneasiness in his stomach that he’s been feeling for the past week, comes back.

 

Mitch leans over into Auston’s stall, and softly pats him on the back and squeezes his shoulder, then uneasiness doesn’t leave but it dies down a bit.

 

“One day, eh?” Mitch tells him.

 

“Yeah, maybe.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you all enjoyed this story. Hopefully I've portrayed this topic well and that you're all not too disappointed by the way the events played out. 
> 
> For those of you who are interested, chapter 4 is a short author's commentary that delves into a bit of the thought process behind the story. 
> 
> For those of you who aren't interested, thank you so much for reading, I'm so glad you took the time out of your day to read my work :)


	4. Author Commentary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short essay that goes through the thought process behind 'And as the penny drops'.

 

AUTHOR COMMENTARY

 

Firstly, I just want to thank everyone who took the time out of their day/s to follow and read through this story. I’m so incredibly overwhelmed by the positive reaction that such a sensitive topic has warranted. I’ve decided to write a quick commentary about this story which will focus on things such as character choice, theme, stylistics, and whatnot. This is just for people who are interested in the thought process that went into ‘And the penny drops’, so I hope you enjoy J

 

 

 

Let me start by telling you that the last fanfiction I wrote was in November of 2016 and was a 1000-word fic about Remus Lupin pining after Sirius Black (truly inspiring stuff). I’ve often shied away from writing fanfiction, especially multi-chaptered, long fics, purely because the commitment was terrifying, and fanfiction requires the writer to try to remain as close to the character’s personality as possible. I’ve also had a few bad reviews on fanfiction.net back when I was a 13-year-old who wrote about a character secretly liking Star Wars (apparently people didn’t enjoy that too much). So, naturally, after a year of studying creative writing, I decided why the hell not.

 

I’d been reading a lot of Hockey RPF when the idea popped up – an NHL player who was forced out of the closet. I didn’t know which player I would use or what the circumstances would be. I wrote several plotlines out and even got 3000-words into a Tyler Seguin fic that centred around that idea. Except – the story just wouldn’t play out, wouldn’t read well. And then I was drawn to the close relationship between Auston Matthews and Mitch Marner – and I thought “that’s definitely something I can work with.”

 

It wasn’t one of those moments where I was actively searching for a player to work with in my fic, just a moment where I was sitting on YouTube at 3 o’clock in the morning and watching a video which highlighted all of Auston and Mitch’s best moments together.

 

So, why write a story that focuses on rape?

 

I didn’t necessarily set out to write a story about a character getting raped, it just kind of happened. I was originally going to focus on Auston dealing with being outed but as I was writing the story I came to realise that no, my character did not consent to any of this happening to him, and therefore, a bigger story needed to be told. That bigger story being the effects that rape can have on people – specifically on a man. We see this play out with the way different people react when Auston reveals that he was unable to consent to what happened.

 

Paul, Lamoriello, and the other lawyers, look down on him, they can’t understand why Auston wouldn’t fight back despite knowing that he was drugged. For Lamoriello this becomes less of a protecting Auston fight, and more of a “we can’t let anyone know that this player is weak” mentality. We also see that Auston struggles himself with this mentality. However, we see that Babcock, Mitch and Judie, act as Auston’s support system. They understand to some degree what Auston is going through, and show that they do with their actions.

 

Judie, as Auston’s therapist, shows him that what happened to him was not his fault and the things he is going through (the panic attacks, the PTSD) are all normal to go through despite what people may think. We see that he grows close to her, and as soon as it’s pitted to him that he can’t visit her as often anymore, it begins to affect him.

 

Babcock, as Auston’s coach, has a father-like relationship with him and although his role isn’t quite as significant as Mitch or Judie’s, he plays a key role in giving Auston those talks about it not being his fault. This is largely because of the respect that Auston has for Babcock, and that being told he isn’t weak by someone who he looks up to, really helps him through.

 

And finally Mitch, the one who figures it out in the first place. He becomes Auston’s main support throughout this. Especially after finding Auston in vulnerable situations (i.e. Auston’s panic attack in the locker room showers). He doesn’t push for Auston to tell him things, he trusts that Auston will tell him when he’s ready; furthermore, Mitch waits for Auston to initiate contact, or waits for permission from him, lets him know, even if it’s not out loud, that with Mitch, Auston can make the decision.

 

Why have Auston sue David, rather than press charger for rape?

 

I really wanted to try and make this story as realistic as possible, and in doing so I felt that pressing charges might be too much of a stretch considering the position and industry that Auston’s in. I felt as though as much as an organisation says they’re behind a player, their image is, ultimately, what they care about the most. Male rape victims are already not taken as seriously as female rape victims and what we see in this story, is that the organisation doesn’t want to dip their toes in something like that. Of course, they do push Auston to sue David for releasing intimate images without consent and defamation because it looks even worse on them if they don’t take any action at all.

 

It’s definitely not the best case scenario but unfortunately I feel as though it would be the most likely thing to happen should a situation like this ever occur.

 

 

In the end, the Leafs get the money and David roams free, if not out of pocket. That’s the unfortunate way the events play out so it’s not exactly a happy ending for Auston, but I believe that it does leave room for the story to be added onto whether in a series or as an extra chapter in the future.

 

As for now, I am hoping to write an outsider’s perspective on the events that have transpired from this fic whether from Babcock or Mitch it has yet to be decided.

 

Thank you all for reading ‘And the penny drops’ and if you have any more questions, I’m more than happy to answer them in the comments J

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you all have enjoyed so far and the next chapter shall be out withing the next week. 
> 
> Constructive criticism is always welcome :)


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